Wednesday, November 05, 2003
Monkeys! Monkeys! Monkeys!
Today I went to the Cincinnati Zoo and with the help of my mum's digital camera, I've managed to snap some shots of various interesting animals. Well, various animals anyway.
Just wait 'til I get to the bonobo.
First up, the glamorous entrance to the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Gardens. Gasp in shock and awe at the splendor:
Wow. Just... wow.
Ever notice how all zoos are basically the same? Does the zoo in your neighborhood have everything made out of wood and peacocks running around? Why is that? What the hell is with zoos and peacocks?
Right, on to the next picture.
Everyone's favorite: the orangutans! And no, it's not "Orangutangs!" There is no G! These ones were pretty boring, although I did manage to get the action climbing shot! Action! Climbing! (Work with me here, it's all I've got!)
The next monkey on the tour is even hipper than I am!
Man, look at that mohawk! He should get an endorsement deal from Dep Gel! Or even better his own product line. I'm so jealous of the hair.
I just don't get it, how can that monkey be cooler than me? It doesn't make sense!
(By the way, if you're seeing double, it's not the picture. Just close one eye and look again.)
We also saw those crazy big-eared freaks with the big noses. No, not the Royal Family, stupid! The ELEPHANTS! Or hephalumps as Winnie the Poo used to call them. (Yeah, I read Winnie the Poo when I was younger, whatcha gonna do about it huh? What up G? Yeah, I didn't think so!)
They were being fed at the time, so we got to see them eat. Why is that a big deal at the zoo? I mean, if I wanted to watch animals eat I could head down to McDonalds.
I think it's because most of the animals at the zoo just lay around all day waiting for some food. Feeding time is the only time when they actually do anything.
Before the trainers fed the elephants they made one of them lift up one leg, I guess it's part of reinforcing their training. I don't think the elephant minded too much, but they must think us humans are just frickin' nuts.
"Uhh, yeah sure I'll wave my foot around, whatever you say crazy man!"
The last two pictures are a bit risque, so watch out!
How many primates are in this picture? There's really no way to tell. Maybe they're all huddled together for warmth, but my theory is that they're all tired out after a big Lemur orgy of some kind. Lucky bastards.
Last but not least, I am overjoyed to bring to you from the deepest jungles of Africa, the greatest primate to ever walk the face of the earth! The most amazing spectacle of animal ingenuity! I present to you, THE SELF-PLEASURING BONOBO!
The bonobos are the closest genetic relatives to humans. You can tell by the ingenious way that they use tools--like using a heavy rock to crack open nuts for example, or using a twig to get termites out of termite mound, or using a large orange ball to stimulate their genitals.
Yeah, you read that right.
This enterprising primate rolled an big orange ball up against a stump and proceeded to enthusiastically bounce his balls against it. He did it for as long as we watched, taking periodic breaks to, errrr... take matters into his own hands.
"Look mom! He's scratching his bum!" observed one toddler as he was being shepherded away from the window by a thoroughly dismayed mother.
If only that were true.
Well, there you have it, a virtual trip to the Cincinnati zoo.
Only a few days left in Crazyland. How I miss reading about hockey in the newspaper, spelling color with a u and not worrying that I might be turned away from a hospital after my arm has been severed because the president of my HMO embezzeled all of the money and moved to a non-extradition-treaty country.
And the girls--Cincinnati isn't close enough to the east coast for the hot, rich boston types, nor far enough south for southern belles nor mid-west enough for those hot farm-girl types. Just fat, fat ugly people. Oh Canada, I yearn for thee!
-Trevor
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Just wait 'til I get to the bonobo.
First up, the glamorous entrance to the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Gardens. Gasp in shock and awe at the splendor:
Wow. Just... wow.
Ever notice how all zoos are basically the same? Does the zoo in your neighborhood have everything made out of wood and peacocks running around? Why is that? What the hell is with zoos and peacocks?
Right, on to the next picture.
Everyone's favorite: the orangutans! And no, it's not "Orangutangs!" There is no G! These ones were pretty boring, although I did manage to get the action climbing shot! Action! Climbing! (Work with me here, it's all I've got!)
The next monkey on the tour is even hipper than I am!
Man, look at that mohawk! He should get an endorsement deal from Dep Gel! Or even better his own product line. I'm so jealous of the hair.
I just don't get it, how can that monkey be cooler than me? It doesn't make sense!
(By the way, if you're seeing double, it's not the picture. Just close one eye and look again.)
We also saw those crazy big-eared freaks with the big noses. No, not the Royal Family, stupid! The ELEPHANTS! Or hephalumps as Winnie the Poo used to call them. (Yeah, I read Winnie the Poo when I was younger, whatcha gonna do about it huh? What up G? Yeah, I didn't think so!)
They were being fed at the time, so we got to see them eat. Why is that a big deal at the zoo? I mean, if I wanted to watch animals eat I could head down to McDonalds.
I think it's because most of the animals at the zoo just lay around all day waiting for some food. Feeding time is the only time when they actually do anything.
Before the trainers fed the elephants they made one of them lift up one leg, I guess it's part of reinforcing their training. I don't think the elephant minded too much, but they must think us humans are just frickin' nuts.
"Uhh, yeah sure I'll wave my foot around, whatever you say crazy man!"
The last two pictures are a bit risque, so watch out!
How many primates are in this picture? There's really no way to tell. Maybe they're all huddled together for warmth, but my theory is that they're all tired out after a big Lemur orgy of some kind. Lucky bastards.
Last but not least, I am overjoyed to bring to you from the deepest jungles of Africa, the greatest primate to ever walk the face of the earth! The most amazing spectacle of animal ingenuity! I present to you, THE SELF-PLEASURING BONOBO!
The bonobos are the closest genetic relatives to humans. You can tell by the ingenious way that they use tools--like using a heavy rock to crack open nuts for example, or using a twig to get termites out of termite mound, or using a large orange ball to stimulate their genitals.
Yeah, you read that right.
This enterprising primate rolled an big orange ball up against a stump and proceeded to enthusiastically bounce his balls against it. He did it for as long as we watched, taking periodic breaks to, errrr... take matters into his own hands.
"Look mom! He's scratching his bum!" observed one toddler as he was being shepherded away from the window by a thoroughly dismayed mother.
If only that were true.
Well, there you have it, a virtual trip to the Cincinnati zoo.
Only a few days left in Crazyland. How I miss reading about hockey in the newspaper, spelling color with a u and not worrying that I might be turned away from a hospital after my arm has been severed because the president of my HMO embezzeled all of the money and moved to a non-extradition-treaty country.
And the girls--Cincinnati isn't close enough to the east coast for the hot, rich boston types, nor far enough south for southern belles nor mid-west enough for those hot farm-girl types. Just fat, fat ugly people. Oh Canada, I yearn for thee!
-Trevor
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