I had been planning to do a special, retrospective entry covering all the best bits from the past year (and three days) of awesomejumbo.com. Now, though, my wallet's been stolen and I'm feeling less than nostalgic.

The party last night was by any objective standards a rousing success. My own subjective experience was less than wonderful, though. Drama on a grand scale, a missing wallet (among other things) and too too many people.

I never realy got to sit back and enjoy anything last night, it was full on disaster-control from the first minute. Well, maybe it'll get better soon, we'll see.

No more halloween parties. Let someone else deal with the freaks!

-Trevor

On wednesday, in my logic tutorial, we get back our exams.

I lost five marks to an ambiguously worded question (marks I wrestled back on the strenght of my argument) and I was sort of pissed about it.

"Well, what the professor was looking for was idiomatic sentences, so we deducted marks for unnatural wordings." my T.A. explained.

"Well then she should have written idiomatic on the exam," I snapped, "The question asks for clear English sentences, and my sentences are clear and in English."

"well think of it this way, if everyone gets really high marks, they can't have courses graduation where everyone gets a nintey-plus. So it'll just get harder later on."

"Well then lets make the tests harder!" I said.

Anyway, after class, this guy comes up to me and says "Hey man, on behalf of those of us getting sixties in the class, don't complain man!"

This is the same guy who said to our T.A. "Well, I can't really do this problem because I just can't memorize stuff, so, like, I'm a bit behind I guess."

Can't memorize stuff? It's a wonder he can even find the classroom.

Anyway, I have no tolerance for mediocrity. I'm not paying $480 to be bored so some dipshit who doesn't do his readings pr problem sets can get a B-. Live in the land of the D, doofus. You deserve it.

-Trevor

I sit in the front low, back slack in my seat and spit out answers like sunflower seeds. I try not to show genuine contempt for the procedings.

Experimental science is not for me. And I'm not keen on the calculus. So I hide in the books, the abstracts of logic.

Letters for sentences, abractions of abstracts, codified.

But the anchors of the ship drag, and the wind weakens in the sails.

Batten down the hatches boys, the calm is coming in. Keep watch for windsigns.

It's just another day on the H.M.S. Trevor

Out with work friends. Oh the stories.

It started out with a car full of russians pulling up next to us.

"Hey, where do yo find the girls?"

"What girls?"

"You know the girls who do it for money!"

The funny thing was, our friend who they were talking to knew instantly where to send them. Apparently he lived near Hooker Harveys for a while.

"What do they do, for the money?"

"Anything you want them to!"

Then much drunken hilarity, and startling revelations and all sorts of fun.

The night ended with me lending a pencil and a corner from my Eye Magazine to a drunk guy on Queen street who was giving a girl his number.

"I'll call you if my ride doesn't show up," she said, "but my boyfriend is coming soon, so we've gotta go."

Sorry guy, it's not your night.

-Trevor

Ghoul Evening,

This message was originally dictated in the language of the dead by a
zombie, it was then transcribed in the blood of virgins upon a parchment
made of human skin. Finally, a man with no fingers typed it into a
computer running WINDOWS 95! It was a VERY SCARY PROCEDURE!

[wailing of a banshee here]

You've probably already used your assorted extra-sensory powers to guess
that this message is in regards to ONE HELL OF A HALOWEEN PARTY
happening OCTOBER 30TH at 403 ADELAIDE.

We're going to have fancy decorations, loud music, beheadings and all
sorts of fun! Ghouls and demons and ghost pirates will abound, but the
scariest thing is the person you'll end up going home with!

[Demonic Laughter]

Here are the details in very spooky point form:

ONE HELL OF A HALLOWEEN PARTY
==========================================================

WHEN:
-----
Devil's Night (Oct 30th)
From 10:00 until the last of you is dead.

WHERE:
------
A flaming pit of death
(403 Adelaide St. W.)
(100m W of Adelaide & Spadina)

DRINKS:
-------
Bring your own virgins
(large knives and buckets will be available)

To speak with the devil himself, or get more information call
416-859-0921 or e-mail trevor@awesomejumbo.com!

==========================================================

-Trevor

P.S. BOO!

Sorry, Gap, I called in sick today. And I am, legitimately sick.

I feel bad because I've been trying to give away this shift forever, and so I'm sure the people at work think I'm just calling in. Amazingly enough, though, I am extraordinarily sick.

My parents have warned me to stay the hell away from my very pregnant sister-in-law, so I will. As long as she doesn't get between me and the turkey.

I don't know what came over me yesterday, I was feeling all weird. But things are back to normal now. Must've been a side effect of my cough syrup. Maybe I should only have had three bottles instead of four. (kidding)

Better take some homework for the train. Being responsible is not as fun as being irresponsible, but passing school is more fun than failing so it all balances out.

-Trevor

I have a policy of not deleting things once I post them. Unfortunately, I don't have a policy of only posting things I'm absolutely sure I want to have on the internet forever.

I'm feeling strange as hell tonight, so maybe that explains things.

I just gotta do some homework or something--I only missed one question on that Logic Sample test I was talking about earlier. Pretty damn sweet.

I just wish there was a manual for friendship. I've never been good at knowing when someone is a friend, and not just an aquiaintance. I don't know what that means really.

Sorry for being so weird. I think I know what this is all about, but I don't want it to be about that, so I'm trying to find some other things to talk about.

-Trevor

Other people wouldn’t like to hear you
If you said
That these are the best days
Of our lives
Other people turn around and laugh at you
If you said
That these are the best days
Of our lives

That's the chorus from a Blur song called Best Days.

These are supposed to be the best days of our lives: Young, carefree, still relatively attractive.

But isn't it a cruel trick of fate that our lives are so front-loaded?

I've said before that everyone gets to be cool once in their lives. So the secret is not using up your time too early. Kids who are cool in high school never end up being that cool later in life, somehow.

I'm not really ecstatic about being 27 when I graduate, but then I'd be a lot less ecstatic about not graduating at all. So maybe it's not so bad.

Where was I going with this?

I don't want it to be downhill from here. But I don't want to go uphill either. I'm kind of sick of moving in one direction or the other. I'm kind of tired of meeting people who already know me. I'm tired of forgetting names and feeling like a jerk.

I can only let people down, it feels like. I don't think I could ever drink enough, or smoke enough or eat enough mushrooms to surprise anyone anymore. I should probably give up trying.

It's so easy to be what other people want me to be that I've never really given enough thought to what I want me to be. It's all pretty easy, it's always been easy.

The hard part is suffering through the easy parts. Doing things that have to be done just because they have to be done.

There is no shortcut to the top of the mountain, just a long, straight climb.

But each step is its own. One step is the first, and one is the last. That's it.

What's making me think all of this? I guess it's Wall Street. I just watched it.

Is it better to have had it and lost it? Or to have never had it at all?

I guess it depends on what it is.

-Trevor

P.S. For future reference, I'm a lot more scared of you than you are of me.

...on a most excellent party.

It's a strange thing to not be the host. I've gotten kind of used to being the person throwing the party, so it's pretty relaxing to just show up and hang out.

Highlights include:

• Tom eating a whole pie and losing the ability to speak.
  (The two events are unrelated)


• Endless Nerudo battles


• Catching Ryan with his face buried in anne's crotch.
  ("My pants are on, it's okay" said Anne)

All in all, quite the adventure.

The Gap is Evil. They are making me miss my thanksgiving dinner. Well, I guess I'm the evil one, I didn't book it off because I am a moron. The worst part is I'll actually be sick, and I won't be able to call in sick. Maybe I should get a doctor's note.

I should do some homework, I'm a bit behind in my physics problems, and there's a logic sample test I should have a look at.

-Trevor

Trevor | Ba Ba doo Dee Ba Doo says:
I'll let you know if I start bleeding from my eyeballs
amphetamine * "i think i'll go out and embarass myself by getting drunk and falling down in the street" - story of my life * says:
i doubt it's ebola....though this morning, i thought ihad apendicitis
Trevor | Ba Ba doo Dee Ba Doo says:
http://www.awesomejumbo.com/heather.mp3

Trevor | Ba Ba doo Dee Ba Doo says:
Just girl-icitis
amphetamine * "i think i'll go out and embarass myself by getting drunk and falling down in the street" - story of my life * says:
THAT's how much my stomach hurt
Trevor | Ba Ba doo Dee Ba Doo says:
Yucky
amphetamine * "i think i'll go out and embarass myself by getting drunk and falling down in the street" - story of my life * says:
yeah, i think so
amphetamine * "i think i'll go out and embarass myself by getting drunk and falling down in the street" - story of my life * says:
miles was also thankful to be a guy today
Trevor | Ba Ba doo Dee Ba Doo says:
if it makes you feel any better, I feel like death
Trevor | Ba Ba doo Dee Ba Doo says:
Like death with a sore throat
amphetamine * "i think i'll go out and embarass myself by getting drunk and falling down in the street" - story of my life * says:
hey,i wrote that on my white board this morning.....

Where does the year go?

Another annoying first year story--someone's cell phone went off in the middle of my psych exam this afternoon.

And, of course, we had to leave all our bags and things at the front of the room to prevent cheating. So they couldn't turn it off.

And, of course, it wasn't some normal ring, it was this stupid thing that had cheering sounds and all sorts of racket.

I'll kill 'em. I'll kill 'em all.

-Trevor

In case anyone was worried.

-trevor

I'm getting crotchety in my old age, must be something about being around all these kids.

Outside my physics lecture, some kid (see? I even call them kids) asked me "Do you know what chapter we're doing today?"

It's a pretty reasonable question, and I'm a helpful guy so I told him "We're still on Chapter Five, force and mass."

"Ah okay," he replied, "has he done chapters three and four then?"

Now, this class has three lectures a week. And we've been doing chapters three and four for the last three weeks. That means this guys has missed at least nine consecutive classes. And we've only had 12 classes. (Actually, 11, I forgot about Rosh Hashana.)

Anyway, I tell him that, yes, the professor has covered chapters three and four.

And then he asks "Has he assigned problems for those chapters?"

Okay, this is where I lose my patience, because I can see where this is going and there's no way I'm letting some punk-ass 17 year old borrow my notes just because he's too lazy to drag his ass the 500m from residence to the lecture hall.

So I hit him with a question.

"Do you even come to class?"

He's a bit taken aback, but still manages to stammer out an answer.

"Uhh, no, not really."

"Well, that's your problem." I replied, a little more curtly than I had meant to, and returned to my crossword.

I know it's a bit harsh, but I really wish someone had said something like that to me back in the day. I lost six years 'cause I was like, too smart to, like, take notes and stuff, you know?

I still remember about two weeks into my first first year, way back in '98. We were talking about politics, and I said something like "well it doesn't matter who you vote for, they're all the same anyway."

And some upper-year shot back "Cute, but if you don't know what you're talking about, just keep your mouth shut. You might learn something."

Probably some of the best advice I've gotten.

So now my new policy is tough love for the young 'uns. I'm not going to be an asshole or anything, but I'm not going to let them get away with thinking they know everything, or that they can not show up to class and still do well in school.

Another first-year was talking about one of her profs, and how she was probably a lesbian and she only got the job because 'they have to meet a quota or something.' So I gave her a quick lesson on the principle of having a faculty that reflects the diversity of the student body, and on how highly creative people tend to be a much more diverse group than the rank-and-file at your average white-collar workplace. And that she should probably be a little more careful about how she reveals her ignorance in such matters.

But I was nice about it, and there's a glimmer of hope that maybe she spent the subway ride home rethinking things.

But then, maybe she spent it thinking something like I thought back when I was seventeen.

"Why are old people always so crotchety?"

-Trevor